As a grammatically conscientious person who frequents internet forums and YouTube, I have found it necessary to develop a few coping mechanisms. When someone types out “u” instead of “you,” instead of getting mad, I imagine them having only one finger on each hand and then their actions seem reasonable. If I only had one finger on each hand, I’d leave out unnecessary letters too!

Sure enough, the drawing depicted a person suffering from that very affliction. “This is gonna be good,” I thought to myself. Sure enough, it was. Little did I know, it would soon go from good to great:

But there is one grammatical mistake that I particularly enjoy encountering.  It has become almost fun for me to come across people who take the phrase “a lot” and condense it down into one word, because when someone says “alot,” this is what I imagine:

[awesome image snipped]

The Alot is an imaginary creature that I made up to help me deal with my compulsive need to correct other people’s grammar.  It kind of looks like a cross between a bear, a yak and a pug, and it has provided hours of entertainment for me in a situation where I’d normally be left feeling angry and disillusioned with the world.

YES. Seriously, folks, the pictures seal the deal and make it utterly hilarious. You must go and read that original post, RIGHT NOW, and then come back to keep reading this. I’ll wait here. Seriously, click that link above. What? What do you mean you don’t see it? Do I have to do everything for you guys?!

Now, if you enjoyed that, keep reading this post for more comedy gold. If you didn’t, then I want to know what is wrong with you…

So, now that I knew it was going to be a very funny site, I clicked the header image and went back to the front page. This is what I was greeted with:

I woke up really early on Wednesday morning for no reason.  In retrospect, I can see it was probably my body’s way of telling me that I might die later that day, so I better get the hell up and start enjoying the shit out of life.

My life that morning was not particularly enjoyable. I felt like my internal organs had been punched by someone who is really enthusiastic about punching and therefore punches a lot.  In fact, they love punching so much that when they finished punching my internal organs, they moved on to punching my skin and all my muscles and also my eyes.

I ended up spending nearly the entire day reading this blog. I got back to about September and finally quit, but it was all hilarious. The recent posts were more awesome, given that they were accompanied with pictures that made the post come together. A perfect example of this can be found in the post entitled “Animals“. I also really enjoyed the “Spaghatta Nadle” series of posts, but for some reason, not everyone seems to get them. I don’t see how this is possible, but I digress.

Look, the whole point of this post can be condensed down into this: There’s this awesome site I stumbled upon called Hyperbole and a Half. It’s this awesome blog with hilarious stories, comics, and drawings. Seriously, it’s awesome. Picture Chuck Norris in a fight with a velociraptor, and Chuck Norris is winning (obviously). Suddenly, the velociraptor grabs a gun that it learned to use, like in the plot to Jurassic Park IV. For a split second, all hope is lost, but then Chuck Norris, with his lightning fast reflexes, produces a super-heavy-duty chainsaw from his beard. He chops the gun in half, chops the velociraptor in half, and stands victoriously on top of the carcass of his foe. Are you picturing that? You know how awesome that is? This blog is more awesome than that.

Did I just blow your mind, or what?

Residents say there was no other good alternative

Story by Loretta Sikes

Denizens of Chicago have once again re-elected Tom Davidson mayor, granting him his tenth consecutive term as mayor of the city. There’s only one problem: Davidson died two weeks before the election.

“Everyone knew he was dead,” Andrea Shooter said, her voice full of frustration. Andrea had been the only person to run against Davidson in the election, and when she died most people assumed it would be a landslide victory in her favor. But residents of Chicago had an unexpected trick up their sleeve. Despite the fact that Davidson had died, his name remained on the ballot.

“The ballots had already been printed, and since no other contestants made an effort to run after Davidson’s death, we decided to keep the existing ballots,” Carrol Dean, head of the election committee said in an interview. “We didn’t think having his name on there would have been a problem. After all, everyone knew he had died.” That didn’t stop residents from showing up to the city elections in droves, many of them casting their ballot in support of Davidson.

“Honestly, you know, Davidson was the best mayor we’ve ever had,” a long-time Chicago resident told one journalist stationed outside of one of many voting locations. “I just didn’t feel that anyone else was capable of doing the job.” The sentiment was apparently widespread: Davidson won by a 13 point margin.

“I just can’t understand it,” Shooter said. “I had a great plan, and I was going to do a great job.”

Normally, to combat situations where fictional people or historical figures are mistakenly elected via fill-in ballots, procedure dictates that the city council select a new mayor. The problem in this case is that Davidson, though dead, does still exist.

“His family had him cloned, and so he does not fit the definition of fictional person as defined in the city bylaws,” a city councilwoman said. “These bylaws were created before cloning was possible. We have no way to handle a situation like this.”

The fate of Chicago’s government remains in the air. While the current politicians argue over what to do, many citizens already have the same idea.

“If Davidson’s being cloned, then he can be mayor again, and we can take things right back to where they were,” one citizen said. Many citizens agree on this point, but when asked how a newborn would be able to administrate the city, most of them simply shrug. “Can’t do worse than anyone else.”

Think this is entirely too far-fetched? Think again.

History buffs applaud publishing memories of those deceased, privacy advocates cry foul

Story by Ned Dion

When the personal memory and DNA backup system was first released over fifty years ago, it was hailed as a great advancement, ensuring that people all over the world could be restored to their original condition if something were to ever happen to them. Unfortunately, the price tag meant that most people would never be able to take advantage of the devices, and as time went on, it became clear that there were some longevity issues with the standalone units.

“It’s what drove me to start my service,” Don Donaldson said, referring to the aforementioned problems. “I wanted to make memory backup affordable and reliable.” Donaldson’s service, dubbed MemorySpace, has been in business now for nearly fifteen years. MemorySpace’s services are run by two main components: the memory reader–a small, relatively inexpensive device that interfaces with the firetooth connection on your computer–and the MemorySpace portal. It was the inexpensive reader device that put MemorySpace on the map.

“We wanted to make sure that the device was not only inexpensive, but free to share,” Donaldson said, showing off one of the early models. The fact that anyone can use the reader to upload their memories to MemorySpace’s portal for free finally made memory backup feasible for, literally, everyone.

“One company even operated a ‘MemorySpace Booth’ for a while, letting anyone come in, pay a nominal fee, and upload their memories right then and there.” Donaldson said, pointing to pictures showcased in MemorySpace’s company museum. All that glitters, however, is not gold. At least that’s what privacy advocates are saying after recent revelations about MemorySpace’s policies.

“Most people don’t realize that the terms of use you accept when signing up for the service–which the vast majority of people don’t read anyways–has you agreeing to accept any and all changes in policy they decide to make, past present or future,” Bill Masters, head of the Pangaeans for Privacy organization. “To give a tangible example, this means that if MemorySpace were to decide that they would share all of your negative thoughts about your friends with the world, they’d be perfectly within their rights to do so. There would be nothing users of the service could do to stop them.”

Donaldson wouldn’t comment on any specific claim. He merely dismissed them as “ridiculous fear-mongering.” Still, his company recently announced that it would provide anthropologists and other social scientists at New York State University with a “select collection of aggregated, anonymized memories.”

“It was a truly unexpected, but extremely welcome move,” Professor Swath explained. “Our task is to study how changes in society affect each and every one of us. For instance, we’re extremely interested in how the general populace felt about major historical events when they happened. This will allow us to go beyond the history books and get to the heart of the matter.”

Donaldson assures the users of the service that the only memories that will be released will be from those who have already died, and that all names and exact locations will be removed from the memories. The one exception would be the names of famous people mentioned in the memories. Pangaeans for Privacy is not convinced.

“We got a hold of a sample of these so-called ‘anonymized memories’ and were able to narrow the owner down to one of three people. If we could do that without knowing the person represented by these memories, how easy will it be for someone who actually DID know them?” Masters said. Time will tell for sure, but MemorySpace is not backing down on its plans.

“We feel it’s extremely important to the study of history to have this type of information available,” Donaldson said. “We’re sure that our users will agree, and will continue to make use of the extremely valuable services we provide.”

Google Topeka-based Pranks:

Google announces new company name: Topeka

Youtube adds new text-based mode for videos called TEXTp (I must say, seeing certain videos in TEXTp mode can blow your mind…)

Google Wave adds new methods of notification

Google Docs allows you to upload physical objects to the cloud

Strange News Stories:

French Government Bans use of “2.0″

Ferrets key to bridging the digital divide

High Energy Collisions Reveal a Paleoparticle

Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he is from the future

New Features at Popular Websites:

Hootsuite is now available in 3D

Slashdot adds Roulette Video Chat to discussion system

XKCD now available in console mode (UPDATE: The main page is back to normal. You can continue to use Console Mode here: http://xkcd.com/unixkcd/ )

Woot.com creates new “Woot your own adventure” shopping mode

Links to Info about Historic Pranks:

The Top 100 April Fool’s Pranks of All Time

Being Made Free at More Places:

Thanks to the awesome folks at Smashwords, the eBook version (which is free, as you all know) will soon be available for free at even more places. This includes Kobo, Barnes and Noble, Sony, and Amazon. (The current version that’s for sale there will be removed soon.) In addition to all these places, Smashwords just sent out an email notification that it will also soon be available on Apple’s iBookstore for the iPad at or close to launch day. You all might not think it’s that cool, but it’s awesome and pretty exciting. I’ll let you all know as soon as it’s up at each site.

A Few New Reviews:

Though I’ve been meaning to make a review page containing links to several reviews, I’ve not gotten around to it just yet. Meanwhile, the copy that’s up on Smashwords has gotten a couple of reviews I’d like to take the time to share:

Review from Mike Collins on March 13, 2010, 3/5 stars:

I liked it … quite a bit.

Some of the parallels between now and the future were quite funny … especially when they went to ‘International House’ and discovered the IHOP !

Review from Mark Jacobs on March 17, 2010, 4/5 stars:

A good, entertaining read; incorporating a universe of interesting ideas. It’s fascinating how the future is described in fiction depending on the author’s personal viewpoint, and their perception of who is deemed politically powerful at the time of writing. Although I realize most of this is satire, Josh has vividly drawn some aspects of a future world that is both believable and credible to even to an old Conservative like me. One minor note of criticism: I always cringe when I see a character in the future that is totally befuddled by events in the near or even distant past; i.e. Amazed that there was a time when there was no government control of reproduction (baby lottery). I think we should give future characters a little more credit. Good job, Josh! I hope to see more from you soon.

I’m not sure if either of you will get the chance to see it here or not, but let me put it here anyways: Thanks for the reviews guys, appreciate it!

The Podcast Version:

If you’ve subscribed to the Podcast version of the story on iTunes, you’ll note that it’s severely behind schedule. One of the mistakes I made was not following the advice of others to finish editing the ENTIRE podcast before posting it online. I was way too eager to get it out there, so went about halfway and then stopped. Lo and behold, life comes along and keeps me busy. That said, however, I’ve not given up on it and I’ve got two more chapters nearly done and ready to be uploaded. Look for them soon, within the next few days. More will follow. Live and learn, I guess…

~~~~~

So, that’s about it! You’re now pretty much caught up on everything that’s going on with Strange Future. I’ll keep you posted on any other new developments as they come along.

Claims donating her husband’s body to science didn’t authorize them to clone him

Story by Marshall Grey, Op-Ed Writer

A local woman, exasperated and running out of other options, is bringing her story to the media, and it’s quite a story. Joann–Jo, as her friends call her–Willman is a sixty-one year old widow who has lived in this city her entire life. Don’t let her age fool you: she’s still as spry as she used to be, and is determined to fight this “sad circumstance” as long as she can. You see, a little over thirty years ago, Jo’s husband Rex passed away.

“He was always so into technology,” she said, looking at a picture of him forlornly. “He was a first adopter for everything.” It was true. Rex worked hard and saved his money so he could afford the latest and greatest offerings from the world of technology. As she showed me around her apartment on the upper east side, I spotted all sorts of devices that were top-of-the-line when released. Rex had collected several versions of different DNA and memory backup systems, both of the memory disk players put out during the studio wars of the 2170s, and a myriad of implant accessories. Rex’s love for technology didn’t stop there, however.

“He told me one day, you know, that his dream was for his body to be donated to science when he died so they could improve human-machine interfaces,” she told me with a distant look in her eyes. “I didn’t think anything of it at the time, because it seemed like something he would say.” Of course, it was always assumed that this would happen far off in the future, at the end of Rex’s golden years, but fate has a way of making fools of us all. Rex died at the age of 30 in a work-related accident. Jo made the tough decision to respect her husband’s wishes and donate his body to science. What she failed to do, however, was to place restrictions on what type of research Rex’s body could be used for.

“It never even occurred to me at the time,” she said, glaring at the wall over my shoulder. It was a tragic mistake. One thing led to another, and Rex was cloned for a research project. Once the project was complete, a local family adopted him and raised him as their own. The clone of Rex is now thirty years old, the exact same age Rex was when he died.

“I had no idea it would happen. One day, two years ago, I was at the grocery store and saw him–the clone I mean. I couldn’t believe it! I ran up to him and started babbling like a maniac, telling him he was my husband and what was he doing alive and…” she trailed off. “It was damned foolish of me.”

Once Rex’s clone realized who he had been, he filed a civil suit, demanding that Jo turn over his memory backup devices. The long court battle has stretched out for the past two years, but a verdict is set to be delivered tomorrow. Jo’s argument centered on the fact that she didn’t authorize cloning. Rex’s attorney–and attorneys representing the scientists that performed the cloning–say that she didn’t forbid it from happening, so they were within their rights to do so. Analysts suggest that the court will rule in Rex’s clone’s favor.

“Once I found out who I had been, I felt I needed to get those memories back. My life had been cut short, but science brought me back, and I feel very strongly that being cloned was something I would have wanted,” Rex told reporters outside the courthouse yesterday. Whether or not he is correct about that is anyone’s guess. Reading private memories stored in a memory backup unit is currently forbidden by law, and security measures within the units themselves only allow the owner–verified by DNA–to access the memories to begin with. Regardless, Jo isn’t buying it.

“I just want to make sure that something like this doesn’t happen to anyone else. Scientists shouldn’t have the right to clone anyone unless the person and their family specifically authorize it.” Jo also wants to know if there are any other copies of her husband out there, but the scientists refuse to answer, citing the fact that much of their research is classified, and they wouldn’t be at liberty to say. When this article is published, she may very quickly find out.

“I wish I could take it all back!” she said, weeping, her head in her hands. Don’t we all, sometimes…

Vera left the coffee shop, sipping on her mocha, which was quite delicious. It was nice when baristas actually knew what they were doing. All too often they would utterly fail at creating a drink. In fact, the last coffee that Vera had drank in the twenty-first century was watered down, too sweet, and flavored far too strongly. To even call it a coffee was an insult to the arabica tree that the coffee beans had been harvested from. This time, however, the coffee was perfect. She walked along, enjoying the evening breeze coming off the ocean. It wasn’t long, however, before she arrived at the block containing the bookstore and had to put a stop to her evening stroll.

So what’s next? Well a bit of the bookstore scene will probably show up in the next Teaser Tuesday, which will be in a week or two.  Stay tuned!

I just finished it last night, and I must say I really enjoyed it. Quite funny, and well worth the small amount of time it takes to get through it. I think I’m going to have to check out some other things by the author (Dan McGirt, blog here) when I get the chance…

The major problem with clones is not so much the feelings of deja vu one experiences after encountering several of them in rapid succession, but rather in the semantics involved with keeping track of them. When the technology to clone first came into use, the scientists involved briefly experimented with numbering, lettering, even code-naming each clone to try and distinguish them from one another. This practice was quickly discovered to be rather ineffective due to the fact that as soon as the clones moved around the room, it was impossible to know which of them was ‘Alpha’ and which of them was ‘Beta’. It was rather disheartening for the scientists because the idea had seemed so good on paper, but in use was rather futile. This realization resulted in brief trials with name tags, but this too failed when the clones realized how much fun it was to distort the results of the experiments by switching name tags halfway through.

The labeling system caused just as much frustration for the clones. After all, it was rather disheartening to hear that Victoria M had gone off to a really great party and met a dashingly handsome young man while you, Victoria E, sat at home watching a sappy romance for the sixth time. Thus, most clones came to refer to themselves as if they were a single entity, causing the lines between which clone had done what to blur. Of course, with the technology to truly merge memories still based entirely in theory, the clones were left to merely revel in the delusion that they had all done really cool, awesome, and exciting things.

“….the average commuter may, at last, have the long-awaited individual commuting vehicle that would whisk him from his front porch to his office entrance in minutes….”

(Source)

Big claims, and sadly, ones that failed to come true… Until now:

The Martin Jetpack by New Zealand’s Martin Aircraft is the closest thing to bringing my childhood fantasies to life. If I place an order now and put down a 10 percent deposit, it could be mine in 12 months. The problem is coming up with the other 90 percent. No license is required to fly this in the U.S., though regulations may differ in other countries.

The jetpack itself is 5 feet tall and 5.5 feet wide and made of a carbon fiber composite with a pinch of Kevlar for the rotor. It uses regular gasoline and will travel a grand distance of 31.5 miles at a maximum speed of 63 mph, which should comfortably take you from home to office (and back) in a jiffy, and with a lot of noise.

(Source)

Yes, you heard right, the jet pack has finally progressed from being a mere pipe dream to becoming a consumer-purchasable item. If you have $90,000 dollars, by next year, you could be flying around in your own personal jet pack.

How this impacts the technology of the future: While this type of technology is excessively cool, I don’t envision this being all that useful for most of us civilians. While it could have very specific purposes for certain jobs (imagine being a window washer and being able to use a jet pack instead of the rope and pulley system) by and large, it’s basically a toy. The eventual development of the hover technology in the stories will make turbine-driven devices such as the jet pack now for sale obsolete. With hovercars, hovertrains, and the PODS, transportation is pretty much covered, and any type of “hover pack” would be used solely for entertainment and leisure.

(Article thumbnail taken from the Martin Jetpack website.)